Boner Road: 50 Stages of Cancer
by TheAutisticDuo
Summary: When the outdated memes attack, it's up to Cancer Kid the warboy to stop them.
1. Chapter 1

One day, Cancer Kid the warboy woke up and injected some chrome spray paint into his bloodstream with a dirty needle. And then he got cancer. He named his cancer tumours Nigger and Kike because those are the two things in the world that are just as bad or maybe even worse as cancer. He ate some Doritos for breakfast and practised his noscopes and was ready for the day of being a MLG dank warboy.

As he was walking around being a good samaritan, Le Troll Face flew out of the sky with Le Me Gusta and started asking, "You mad, bro?" At Cancer Kid.

Cancer Kid was, in fact, mad. Because these are old outdated memes and they insulted him. He shouted at them, "STOP BEING SO DANK!"

And the outdated memes laughed and pushed him into a locker and called him a nerd. Then, Good Guy Greg came from the sky and saved Cancer Kid from the memes. He teleported Cancer Kid to the realm of 9Gag, the most cancerous place in existence. Nigger and Kike, his cancer tumours, were pleased to be amongst their people. Cancer Kid could feel the MLG skills being sucked away and replaced with more cancer. He had to inject some more chrome spray paint into his bloodstream to keep his sanity and dankness. Outdated memes were everywhere. Fucking stupid ass advice duck, and those other outdated 2005 memes. Cancer Kid crawled up in a ball and started screaming for help as Le Troll Faces circled him and asked him if he was mad, bro.

Finally, Cancer Kid knew what he had to do. He had to summon O' Chin Chin, his lord and saviour. His reason to be addicted to chrome spray paint, and why he had a few more chromosomes than normal people.

"O' CHIN CHIN!" He shouted, "O' CHIN CHIN SKE'DI NANDAYO!"

And then O' Chin Chin came from the sky but then blew up in a series of dank not outdated 4Chan memes. Cancer Kid was saved, and 9Gag was brought to justice. All the Le Troll Faces were destroyed by Smug Pepe. Cancer Kid ran into O' Chin Chin's arms and they embraced deeply.

But just as it seemed that the universe was saved, Le Awesome Face rose up from the horizon. The most outdated meme in the world. Le Awesome Face was furious that his cancer realm was destroyed by dank memes, and cancer flew from his eyeballs in two super big cancerous lasers. The dank memes were disintegrated at the cancer laser's touch.

The world was on Cancer Kid's shoulders now. He grabbed the dankest meme of all, Lolz Cat, and threw it at Le Awesome Face. Lolz Cat said, "Can I haz chezburger?" And then slammed into Le Awesome Face's face and they both blew up in a bright, epic light. 50 dubstep songs layered on top of Darude Sandstorm started blasting from the explosion along with the sound of airhorns and screaming 9 year olds. So many epic dank memes came flying from the bright light of the explosion that Cancer Kid was so overwhelmed.

Then Cancer Kid woke up in a back alley. An empty can of chrome spray paint laid beside him and his nostrils and mouth were stained chrome. And that's when he realized he should probably kill himself, because out of all the warboys with cancer, he was the one who was the most cancerous of them all.

And so he a grabbed a pebble and he beat himself to death with it. Rip in rest, Cancer Kid.

The End


	2. Google Chrome did 911

(AN: Within a few hours of posting my first fanfic, my story was called shitty and I was congratulated on being a tard. This obviously means people want me to write more fanfictions.)

Nux and the other nerds were chilling in the war rig listening to some sick jams by Slipknot. Mad Max was furiously driving because he was so mad. Everyone and everything pissed him off.

An army of cute little puppies that were crossing the street angered him and he ran over all of them. Their screams of agony as they were crushed under the tires made Mad Max even more mad, "OH MY GOD IM SO MAD!" He screamed.

"Calm down you speccy cunt." Furiousa said from the front passenger seat.

"YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW MAD I AM RIGHT NOW!" Mad Max snapped at her.

"Hey Max, Larry and Barry think you're a nerd." Nux said as he gestured to his cancer tumors.

Mad Max got even more mad. About 200% mad at this point. Flashbacks of his high school years when he was shoved into lockers and called a nerd flashed before his eyes, "JOKES ON YOU NUX I HAVE HIV!"

Nux's eyes widened in disbelief. Sad violin music played as he looked down at the medical tube shoved into his vein and realized his mistake.

"You just let that happen? Wow, loser." Furiosa told Nux.

The red head sex slave scootched away from Nux, "I was gonna frick frack with you but not anymore."

"At least I have Mohammed on my side." Nux mentioned as he took out a can of chrome spray paint and sprayed himself in the mouth before exclaiming, "Allah ackbar."

Just then, a fat, neckbearded fedora fag drove up beside him on his otaku motorcycle, breathing rather heavily, "WOW. YOU BELIEVE IN GOD?! LOL WHAT AN IDIOT! WHERE'S YOUR SCIENTIFIC PROOF, IDIOT?"

"I live. I die. I live again!" Nux shouted back at the fedora fag from his passenger window.

The fedora fag breaths became heavier, "WOW. ITS OBVIOUS YOU'RE JUST A TROLL BECAUSE YOU'RE TRYING TOO HARD! YOU DON'T GO TO HEAVEN WHEN YOU DIE! YOUR LIFE IS MEANINGLESS, YOU IDIOT TROLL!" Then he drove off with his otaku motorcycle.

"Wow today is the worst fucking day ever." Nux said as he slumped back into his seat, "I'm just gonna rope myself."

"Lol do it nerd." Furiosa told him.

Just then, they all noticed that All Star by Smash Mouth was beginning to play louder and louder from behind them. Immortal Joe or whatever his name was, and his sons Big Buff Ebola Victim and Based Hotwheels were catching up.

Hearing All Star made Mad Max 300% mad. He roared a mighty roar and pounded on the steering wheel.

"I don't think you can drive, you're just way too mad." Furiosa told him.

Mad Max glared at her, "YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND MY ANGER!" Then he slammed on the gas and the war rig went at a sonic fast speed. The war rig began to fly, powered solely by Nux's extra chromosome power.

Immortal John and his fat cat Garfield stared at the flying rig.

"Lol john theyre flooing" Garfield said as he shoved lasagna into his cat mouth.

"Lol gerfald ur soch a fat cat :::::)))))" Immortal John answered.

Then Spurdo drove up beside Immortal John and dropped his cheeseburger. He sighed with sadness as he stared down at the burger all mangled in dirt and grease on the ground, "War is hell." Spurdo pointed out.

The flying war rig caught the attention of the US air force.

"Please land your war rig or we'll shoot." Said a pilot from one of the air force jets trailing behind the war rig.

Nux rolled down the window and began throwing his cancer cells at the jets. The cancer cells smashed through the cockpit window and attacked the pilots' faces. They screamed as they were completely engulfed in cancer and their jets crashed down into the ground.

Mad Max was over 3000% mad now, and he was driving the war rig straight towards two identical towers in the middle of a city. Everyone in the war rig knew what had to be done. They all took out chrome spray paint and sprayed their mouths, then braced for impact while screaming "ALLAH ACKBAR!"

The war rig crashed into the twin towers, killing 3'000 people.

The End.


	3. Fedoran: The Defender of Virgins

(AN: Why the fuck am I still writing these? This movie is like super old now no one cares.)

It's been a few years after the war rig crashed into the twin towers. The man they framed, Osama bin Laden, and his rock band Al Qaeda, have been killed by the US government.

Mad Max, Furiosa, Nux , and the sex slaves were free to roam the streets once again. Or so they thought...

They were in the territory of my oc warlord, Fedoran: The Defender of Virgins. With just the tip of his fedora he's brought entire non virgin armies to their knees. All non virgin men, women, and children feared him. And Mad Max and his non virgin crew were on his turf. Although I think Nux is a virgin. Unless he was someone's bitch but does being butt fucked by another guy actually count as losing your virginity? But with that logic that means most gay men are virgins. So then, would a homo lose his virginity after buttfucking a guy or getting buttfucked by a guy? Fuck it Nux did both to make this shit simple. Probably with that Joker looking Skits guy or whatever his name is.

I'm surprised they don't have gay ship pics of them yet.

Anyway, Fedoran was sitting on his throne made of star bucks coffee cups as one of his Fedorafag henchmen told him the news of non virgins in his land.

"WOOOW FUCKING TROLLS ALREADY LOSING THEIR VIRGINITY!" His face turned beet red and his breathing grew rather heavy, "WE HAVE TO GET THESE FUCKING TROLLS OFF OF MY BLOG BEFORE THEY TRIGGER ME!"

He ran his hand against his neckbeard and slipped into his cheeto stained sweatpants. He finished his outfit with a classy vest and was ready for war.

The team of non virgins were chilling out getting drunk and fucking hot grills at the club when the sound of Munford and Sons blasted from outside.

Mad Max ran to the window and what he saw angered him to a full capacity of 10000000000% mad. There was Fedoran, an army of Fedorafags behind him, their fedoras at the ready.

"WHO DO YOU TROLLS THINK YOU ARE BRINGING YOUR NON VIRGIN SCUM HERE?!" Fedoran roared at Mad Max and his niggas.

"AARGH YOUR FEDORA MAKES ME SO MAD!" Mad Max shouted back at him.

"OH YEAH?" Fedoran gave Mad Max a hard stare, "WELL ITS JUST A HAT AND YOU'RE NOT COOL ENOUGH TO WEAR IT!" With that, he tipped his fedora. A shock wave of virginity blasted at Mad Max and his crew, blasting all of them across the club, except for Nux cuz I'm making him a virgin now. They fell into the dj who then later died of meme overdose.

Fedoran tipped his fedora at the club's door, blasting it open. His Fedorafags came bursting into the club screaming about how classy they were and how everyone else is a troll.

Nux looked over at Mad Max, Furiosa and the ginger sex slave. They were collapsed on the ground. The power of virginity was just too strong for them.

It was up to Nux and his down syndrome powers now. He pulled out a dirty syringe filled with chrome spray paint and stabbed it into his arm's vein. It pulsed with chrome as Nux began calling upon the power of minecraft knowledge and overused unironic internet humor.

His hands clapped together in a super cool anime handsign. Then a giant blast of anime, minecraft, memes, and other things kids with the downs like blasted from the palms of his hands.

The down syndrome attacked the fedora fags, but only slightly weakened them because they all self identify as down syndrome kids.

Nux would have to call upon something so autistic and offensive not even Fedoran's Fedorafags could handle it. But doing this meant certain death for Nux. He looked over his shoulder at his friends. They were all pale and half dead from all the butthurt and faggotry the Fedorafags were bringing upon them.

Nux sighed, then brought his hands together into an even cooler anime handsign, " Ore-wa O'chin-chin gedai ski-nandayo!" He shouted.

Nux screamed in agony as Filthy Frank began crawling from his butthole, along with Pink Guy, Salamander Man, and Lord Chin Chin himself.

Filthy Frank breathed hard through his teeth as he looked around at the carnage around them, "OH NO PINK GUY! ITS FEDORAN! WE GOTTA STOP HIM!"

"Gibe me da p00si b0ss" Pink Guy replied.

"WE GOTTA GIVE THEM OUR DISEASES, PINK GUY!" Filthy Frank shouted. Then Filthy Frank and his crew began throwing all their diseases at the Fedorafags.

Fedoran grimaced in pain as he watched his poor Fedorafags sizzle and disintegrate at the touch of Frank's diseases.

Fedoran quickly retaliated with the last remaining Fedorafags as Filthy Frank, Pink Guy, Salamander Man and Lord Chin Chin chased after them.

The power of virgin fags was wearing off and Mad Max, Furiosa, and the ginger sex slave staggered to their feet. The ginger sex slave turned her head towards Nux and her eyes widened in panic as she saw him lying motionless on the ground.

"NUX!" She screamed as she ran over to him. She fell to her knees and stared down at his face. It was paler and blood seeped from the cracks of his butthole lips.

"My-my chromosomes... Are burnt out..." Nux explained. The ginger sex slave stroked his cheek with the back of her fingers, "You'll make it, Nucks."

Nucks coughed, "Only if you... Sh-share chromosomes with me."

This was a hard decision for the ginger sex slave. She looked up at Furiosa and Max for their opinions.

"He saved our lives. It's only right we save his." Furiosa said.

Mad Max who was definitely mad right now began shouting, "WE'LL ALL DONATE OUR CHROMOSOMES TO YOU NUX!"

And so the entire team donated some of their chromosomes to Nucks. Now all of them were retarded. They ate crayons, wore helmets, and lived for only Minecraft and memes. And they were too stupid to ever recognize anything bad happening to them so all of them lived happy lives until finally they had the same fate as the club's dj. Meme overdose.

The End.

(AN: I should just write the Mad Max movies I'm fucking good at this shit. BTW Fedoran was based off irl me so any criticism on his character I'll take personally.)


	4. A Trainwreck of Stupid

(AN: Sorry I've been away for so long. I was sitting in my bathtub naked, crying and slitting my wrists at all the bad reviews I got for my fanfiction. But once I looked again, I saw that I had so many good reviews dorwning out all the bad ones! :^D I was so happy! So I went straight to writing another one. See, h8er tr0lls? You can't bring me down!  
A special thanks to all the people who gave me all those nice, good reviews, and a VERY special thanks to Cancerkidlover9971 for not only helping me through my depression, but also donating $300 dollars to my new campaign, #SpreadTheCancer. I love you guys so much! 3 3 3)

Cancerkidlover9971's bedroom was dark. A breeze flowed through the open window, making his Cancer Kid themed curtains flutter. Cancerkidlover9971 was sitting on his bed in his Cancer Kid onsie, looking down at a picture of Cancer Kid smiling and holding onto a fresh rare pepe he just caught. Cancerkidlover9971 traced his small fingers over Cancer Kid's outline on the picture. A tear fell from Cancerkidlover9971's eye and onto the picture as he remembered Cancer Kid's horrific death.

"Ever since you died, this world has gotten worse." Cancerkidlover9971 thought out loud. He turned his head to look out at the night sky, "You're the hero we need, Cancer Kid... But not the hero we deserve..."

He hoisted himself onto his knees and laid his head down on the window sill, staring up at the brightest star in the sky. He began to sing.

"Nothing else has worked so far,

So I'll wish upon a star,

Wonderous sparkling speck of light,

I need cancer..."

Just as his eyes began to flutter close with sleep, he heard something coming from outside his window. A voice shouting, "ARE YOU READY FOR THE SUMMER? ARE YOU READY FOR THE GOOD TIMES?"

Cancerkidlover9971 raised his head. His eyes glimmering with joy. He knew that song, it was Cancer Kid's favourite song of course!

Cancerkidlover9971 leaned out the window and looked up at the sky. His mouth fell open and his eyes widened in excitement as he saw Cancer Kid flying towards him, casting a rainbow of colorful rare pepes behind him.

Cancerkidlover9971 pulled the window open wider and stepped out of the way as Cancer Kid flew in and crashed into his wardrobe.

Cancerkidlover9971 watched in amazement as Cancer Kid staggered to his feet and injected some chrome spray paint into his arm. He looked around the room, acknowledging all the merchandise of him, "Now this is what I'd call a VERY spicy meatball."

"I'm your biggest fan, Cancer Kid!" Cancerkidlover9971 exclaimed as he jumped up and down with excitement. But his excitement soon ended when he remembered why he wished for Cancer Kid to come back.

"Cancer Kid, the world needs you.."

"Oi this meatball is getting really spicy now!" Cancer Kid replied.

Cancerkidlover9971 looked up at Cancer Kid with big sad eyes, "Tumblr is slowly taking over the world. They're spreading their adjective, pronoun, feminist ways all over the globe and...well, I'm scared that us cissies are going to be forced to turn transgender and have a minimum of five adjectives to describe ourselves with or face execution." Cancerkidlover9971 slumped down onto his bed and buried his face into his knees, "I don't wanna be transgender! I don't wanna use silly pronouns! I don't wanna be a feminist! Please, Cancer Kid! Help me!" He looked back up at Cancer Kid with teary eyes.

"Oi vey! Stopping Tumblr does not come free." Cancer Kid replied, "you're gonna have to pay me a few sheckles."

"I'll give you all the sheckles you've ever want! With a side of fresh memes!"

Cancer Kid smiled at Cancerkidlover9971's deal. This kid 'gets' him.

Cancer Kid tied a red cape around his neck and proclaimed, "Cancer Kid always helps those in need!"

Then he leaped from the window and landed on the cement driveway. His fall dented the cement under his feet.

Cancerkidlover9971 jumped out after him. But instead of making a super cool landing, his leg snapped and he fell to the ground crying and screaming.

Cancer Kid ignored him, for he had more important things to attend to. With a snap of his fingers, a pimped out war rig appeared on the road. Mountain Dew and Doritos trademarks were plastered all over it along with hot anime babes and the rarest pepes.

Cancer Kid got into the dank war rig and Cancerkidlover9971 got into the passenger seat, his leg cured by another wish upon a star.

Cancer Kid started blasting Are You Ready for the Summer from the radio so loud the sick beat shook the war rig. Then he set it into drive and they zoomed off towards Tumblr HQ.

Meanwhile, at Tumblr HQ, Big Red and Anita Sarkeesian were executing some misogynist cis white male scum.

Anita Sarkeesian stood with her pistol drawn on the misogynist scum as Big Red paced back and forth in front of them, "LISTEN HERE, FUCKFACE!" Big Red shouted, "BEING A MALE IS A PART OF PATRIARCHY! FINDING WOMEN ATTRACTIVE IS A PART OF PATRIARCHY! AND BEING WHITE IS A PART OF PATRIARCHY BECAUSE WHITE MALES RAPE THE MOST! YOU ALL DISGUST ME! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MANY POOR WOMEN YOU'VE TRIGGERED WITH YOUR MASCULINITY?"

The males were quiet, scared that their masculine voices would trigger the feminists.

"Big Red!" A morbidly obese transgender woman came running into the room, her body jiggling with fat. She handed Big Red a picture of Cancer Kid's dank war rig, "Our scouts saw these mysogynist white male supremacists heading our way. We think they're going to shitpost Tumblr to death!" The fat feminist screamed in fear and agony, "OOH NO THEY'RE TRIGGERING MY PTSD!"

Big Red looked down at the picture. The hot anime babes plastered to the sides and hood of it set her off, "THIS IS A PERFECT EXAMPLE OF THE PATRIARCHIST SOCIETY WE LIVE IN!" She shoved the picture to Anita Sarkeesian, "THEY MUST BE STOPPED! END THE PATRIARCHY!"

Meanwhile, Cancer Kid and Cancerkidlover9971 were rocking out to Are You Ready for the Summer while driving down the empty, abandoned highway. Cars were scattered at the side of the road, and as Cancerkidlover9971 looked out his window he saw a glimpse of "The Tumblrites Are Here. God Has Abandoned Us." written crudely on a car's side with what Cancerkidlover9971 assumed was blood.

Tumblr has spread beyond what Cancerkidlover9971 first thought, and he wished he would've called for Cancer Kid sooner.

Cancer Kid was oblivious to his surroundings. He was too into his song.

"ARE YOU READY FOR THE SUMMER? ARE YOU READY FOR THE SUNSHINE?" He screamed louder than the music. Suddenly, the war rig buckled and slowed to a stop, not being able to take so many memes at once.

Cancerkidlover9971 looked over at Cancer Kid for what to do. Are You Ready for the Summer slowed down and eventually stopped playing which really set Cancer Kid off. He banged on the steering wheel. And when that didn't work he laid back in his seat and said, "Now isn't that a spicy meatball."

"What's wrong with the rig, based Cancer Kid?" Asked Cancerkidlover9971.

"The meme engine is overheated. It can't handle all these memes!" Cancer Kid answered as he fumbled around with all the memes that began seeping through the vents.  
Cancerkidlover9971 sighed and looked out the window. This was it. There is no hope for the world now. If Cancer Kid can't make the meme engine contain the memes, then he can't stop Tumblr.  
The world would be destroyed.

Just then, Cancerkidlover9971 spotted Furiosa's war rig parked at the side of the road. He smacked Cancer Kid's arm to get his attention, "Look! It's the Mad Max squad!"

"Oi vey!" Cancer Kid exclaimed as he hopped out of his dank war rig. Cancerkidlover9971 followed Cancer Kid as he ran over to Furiosa's war rig, certain that they'll help with all these memes.  
Cancer Kid knocked on the window, but his expression turned horrified as he saw the autism taking place inside.  
All four of them, Furiosa, Mad Max, Nucks, and the ginger sex slave who's name I still don't know were all taking part in some sort of autism minecraft dance. They were slapping their wrists against their chests, screeching like some sort of animals, and sharing their knowledge of minecraft and memes amongst each other.

"S-s-spicy...meatballs..." Cancer Kid mumbled in horror. He was not expecting this from the beloved Mad Max squad.  
Cancerkidlover9971 stepped up beside him and looked inside, "I know how to speak to them. I'm in the special ed classes in school. I know their language." He said.

"K den." Cancer Kid replied. Then stepped out of the way for Cancerkidlover9971 to work his magic.  
Cancerkidlover9971 stepped up to the window. Then began screeching and screaming and pounding his wrist on his chest just as Mad Max's squad were doing. Cancer Kid watched in amazement as Cancerkidlover9971 and the Mad Max crew had an entire conversation like this. It astounded him how Cancerkidlover9971 could handle the giant mess of missing chromosomes.  
Finally, Cancerkidlover9971 turned back to Cancer Kid and translated, "They said they just got back from defeating Fedoran, The Defender of Virgins. And they said they'll help us get to Tumblr HQ if we become their friends."  
This was a hard decision for Cancer Kid. Becoming "friends" with so many retards at once just seemed...insane! Humanely impossible, really! It would be torturous, and a huge downfall to his popularity level.  
No one was ever friends with retards! But Cancerkidlover9971's sad eyes and the thought of Tumblr's SJWs running the world made Cancer Kid agree. He nodded at the autists and they all cheered and made stupid low pitched laughs as they clapped their hands like seals.  
Cancerkidlover9971 got into Furiosa's war rig and sat beside Nuckles the hedgehog and his ginger sex slave. Cancer Kid stayed put outside, one hand on the war rig's door, as he took one last glance back at his life. Saying goodbye to his popularity, friends, and sanity, he got into the war rig along with the retards.  
Furiosa slammed down on the gas pedal and the war rig thrusted forward as fast as a hard dick thrusts into a virgin's vagina.  
Cancerkidlover9971 looked over at Nux as he was drawing his sonic oc; Nuckles the Heghog. Nux glanced at Cancerkidlover9971 and said, "This is going on my dA account, TheHedgehogBoy. I have over 500 watchers on Devian Tart."

"Wow! That's 500 more than me!" Cancerkidlover9971 exclaimed in surprise.

They drove a few miles as they had heated discussions about Minecraft mods and all their favourite youtubers.

"Pewdiepie is the best!" Nux shouted at Mad Max.

"Nuh-uh! Skylovesminecraft is the best!" Mad Max answered.  
Fursona slammed her autistic hands on the steering wheel, "NO! MARKIPLIER IS THE BEST!" She began crying. Her tears triggered the other autists and they all began crying with her. Cancer Kid and Cancerkidlover9971 sat there tired of the autists crap. Finally, Cancer Kid just gave up and left the war rig. They were close enough to Tumblr HQ anyway.  
Cancerkidlover9971 followed Cancer Kid out of the war rig, "But what about the retards?"

"Too spicy of a meatball for me!" Cancer Kid replied.  
The sound of SHUT THE FUCKUP Feat. Big Red layered on top of the Steven Universe soundtrack caught them off guard and they knew they were close to Tumblr HQ.  
Cancerkidlover9971 gazed upon Tumblr HQ, a giant mess of transgender pro fat bullshit. Panic rushed over him and he whimpered and put one hand around Cancer Kid's wrist for comfort.  
Cancer Kid knew what had to be done. He pulled out his weapon of choice, the Shitposter 2000. Then storeendgyxhsyuhufdtrhjbf through the gates of Tumblr. All around him transgendered oppressed females who were also fat and cosplaying were screaming about patriarchy and homophobia. A giant TV screen was mounted on the wall where a video of Black Lipstick Buxom Boy was playing on repeat. Cancerkidlover9971 looked up at Black Lipstick Buxom Boy in horror as it spoke of cis scum genocide.  
Cancer Kid raised Shitposter 2000 and aimed it at the Tumblrites and their cheap yaoi stock.

"Mama mia that's a spicy meatball!" Cancer Kid took out a can of chrome spray paint, sprayed it all over his mouth, then let the Shitposter 2000 do its work. The Tumblrites and their yaoi were disintegrated by shitposts just as bad as 4chan.

The sound of Tumblrites screaming about how thye didn't feel safe on Tumblr anymore caught the attention of Big Red and Anita Sarkeesian. They looked out on their Tumblr realm and were horrified at the sight of so much shitposting and patriarchy.  
Big Red glared at Cancer Kid as he was annihilating Tumblr, "LISTEN, FUCKFACE!" She screamed. Her voice booming over the entire realm of Tumblr.  
Cancerkidlover9971 screamed and hid behind Cancer Kid, horrified of Big Red and her angry feminist face.  
Cancer Kid looked at Big Red and said, "That's a spicy meatball!"

"I AM TALKING, FUCKFACE!" Big Red screamed, "BEING A WARBOY IS A PART OF PATRIARCHY! GET OUT OF TUMBLR, IT'S FOR OPPRESSED FEMALES ONLY!"  
Cancer Kid was having none of Big Red's shit. So he simply shitposted her to death. Big Red's death triggered Anita Sharkeeshian to kill herself and Tumblr seemed to be stopped.  
Cancerkidlover9971 cheered in joy and jumped in the air, "You saved us, Cancer Kid!"  
Cancer Kid smiled at Cancerkidlover9971. He was starting to get feelings for this kid.  
Then, the loud booming voice of Black Lipstick Buxom Boy caught them off guard. They turned to see Buxom Boy towering over them, angry and triggered. Her distorted black lips were streched into an angry frown.

"SO IT'S COME TO MY ATTENTION THAT THERE'S BEEN SOME CONTROVERSY SURROUNDING SOME THREE LITTLE WORDS! DIE CIS SCUM!" Black Lipstick Buxom Boy shouted as she conjured a blast of pronouns in her hands. She threw the pronouns at Cancerkidlover9971and he screamed in agony as a bright beaming light surrounded him.

He looked over at Cancer Kid for help, "Please! Cancer Kid! I can feel my pronouns changing!" He pleaded.  
Cancer Kid had to do something. Not only was the world on his shoulders, but now Cancerkidlover9971's life too.

"IT'S OVER FOR YOU CIS SCUM!" Black Lipstick Buxom Boy shouted. She let out a menacing laugh.  
Cancer Kid felt enraged at what she was doing to the poor kid.

"MAMA MIA YOU'RE A REAL SPICY MEATBALL!" He shouted as he raised his Shitposter 2000 and aimed for Black Lipstick Buxom Boy's bald head.

"YOU'VE BEEN LIVING UNDER A PRIVELEGED ROCK YOUR ENTIRE LIFE!" Black Lipstick Buxom Boy shouted at Cancer Kid as she shot more pronoun blasts at Cancer Kid. Cancer Kid jumped out of the way as the blasts whizzed past him and created craters in the floor. He couldn't get a clear shot with his Shitposter 2000. Black Lipstick Buxom Boy was just too fast for him. Like Nux's other OC, Sanac the heghodg.  
Cancer Kid had to get up close to Black Lipstick's face and shitpost into her mouth. He dreaded the thought, but it was the only way. He glanced at Cancerkidlover9971, already genderfluid.  
Cancer Kid's expression turned determined. He took out his can of chrome spray paint and sprayed all over his mouth. Then injected some into his bloodstream for extra precaution. Cancer Kid let out his war cry and ran at Black Lipstick Buxom Boy. He was moving so fast a rainbow of rare pepes shot out from his feet. He did a super cool double jump and was level with Black Lipstick Buxom Boy's face. Her breath reeked of black lipstick and a vegan diet. Cancer Kid gagged and was itching to just off himself then and there, but he knew he had to be strong. For Cancerkidlover9971.  
Cancer Kid grimaced in pain as he struggled to raise Shitposter 2000. Finally he got it level with Buxom Boy's mouth. He pulled the trigger on the Shitposter 2000 and Buxom Boy screamedas she was filled with shitposts. Her eyes, mouth and nostrils glowed with a bright golden light before she exploded in a giant mass of shitpost. The explosion knocked Cancer Kid back and slammed him against the wall. He felt the air knocked out of him and his vision went dark.  
Cancerkidlover9971 woke up sprawled on the floor. He felt his cis returning back to him and all his pronouns changing back to normal.

"Cancer Kid! I'm cis again!" Cancerkidlover9971 shouted in happiness. He turned his head to Cancer Kid,laying motionless on the floor, "C-Cancer Kid?" Cancerkidlover9971 crawled over to Cancer Kid. He put his hands on Cancer Kid's shoulders and tried to shake him awake, "Cancer Kid?! Cancer Kid, please!" Tears swelled in his eyes. One tear rolled off his cheek and landed on Cancer Kid's face. His tear was absorbed into Cancer Kid's face and a bright light seeped from where the tear fell. The bright light surrounded Cancer Kid and he was brought back from the dead. Cancerkidlover9971 understood what had happened. The tears of the innocent could bring back anyone from the dead. But really Cancer Kid wasn't actually dead, just knocked out. But Cancerkidlover9971 thought it was his tears because he's kinda dumb.  
Cancer Kid's eyes fluttered open and he looked up at Cancerkidlover9971.  
Cancerkidlover9971 gasped in astonishment, "Cancer Kid!You're alive!" He wrapped his arms around Cancer Kid and buried his face into Cancer Kid's two shoulder tumours, Kike and Nigger.

Cancerkidlover9971 helped Cancer Kid up and out of Tumblr HQ. Cancer Kid gave Cancerkidlover9971 a slight push and was readying himself to fly away.  
"Wh-you're leaving?" Cancerkidlover9971 asked with sad eyes.  
"I have to. Other children need me." Cancer Kid explained.  
Cancerkidlover9971 understood. He watched as Cancer Kid began walking away into the sunset. Then he turned around to go home when suddenly, "Hey, Kid." Cancer Kid's voice sounded from behind him. Cancerkidlover9971 turned.  
"Catch." Cancer Kid threw Cancerkidlover9971 his jersey. Cancerkidlover9971 caught it and looked down at it, the name said "Labron". Cancerkidlover9971's eyes shimmered with tears, "Thanks Mister!"  
Cancer Kid gave him a nod, then flew off into the sunset.  
Cancerkidlover9971 smelled the jersey as he thought; it was over.  
It was finally over.  
Tumblr was stopped, and the world was safe once again.  
He took one last look up at the sky, Cancer Kid was nowhere to be found, but he could still hear his signature song Are You Ready For The Summer.


	5. Immortan Joe's Dick Game Is Weak

(AN: lol srry guiuys i hevnt psted in a whole been bussy my mum found my fanfics n i wasnt allowed to use word doc 4 a few weeks im back now tho its all k lol my mum's a bitch)

A few years have passed since the fall of Tumblr. The world of Angry Max has become more peaceful and sane. The sand crab people in Citadel's pit thing were happy and thriving.  
Everyone was happy, except for Immortan Jew. Partly because he was a Jew and was lacking his desired shekles, and partly because even after all these years his hot ass sex slaves were still gone driving around with Autistic Mad Max and Furiosa.  
Immortan Jew sat alone in his sex slave vault. He propped his head up with his hand as he traced his finger sadly along the grains of dirt on the floor. He heard the vault door hiss open and turned his head only for a short moment to see Cancer Kid walk in.  
"Hey Immortan Jew did you see my dank memes? I left them in here a while ago and I need them to shitpost on 4chan."  
"I don't geddit, goyim," Immortan Jew started, "I spent so many shekles making my sex slave vault the tits! It's got plants n chairs n shit. Why would my sex slaves leave me?"  
"Maybe cuz yo dick ain't on fleek." Cancer Kid suggested.  
Immortan Jew looked up at Cancer Kid, "Don't mock this cock."  
"I'm not wtf!" Cancer Kid replied as he raised his hands in submission, "Your dick game just weak bro."  
Immortan Jew thought for a moment about dick game. Then he turned back to Cancer Kid, "Cancer Kid, you're cool and awesome and everyone loves you, please tell me how to get my dick on fleek."  
"Lol k I'll tell you," Cancer Kid sat down beside Immortan Jew on the floor, "But then after you gotta spray chrome all over my face and carry me to Valhalla."  
"Lol k I'll do it nerd just tell me how to get my dick on fleek." Immortan Hebrew replied. They shook on the deal and Cancer Kid went right to work on getting Immortan Kike's dick on fleek.

They tried everything to get Immortan Jew's dick on fleek; from boosting up his swag level to having him be a successful rapper. But Immortan Jew just had too much Hebrew inside him.  
"Nothing is working! My dick will never be in fleek!" Immortan Jew cried out as he threw his new super hot snapback to the floor.  
Cancer Kid knew this was true, but he didn't want to upset the Jew in fear of his shekles being stolen. He put a hand to his chin in thought and from the corner of his eye he spotted a bottle of Viagra.  
"I got an idea." Cancer Kid pointed out as he stepped over to the bottle of Viagra. He picked it up and handed it to the Kike, "Eat the whole bottle. It'll make your dick more on fleek and they'll think it's real because it'll be on fleek for a few hours. Then you can trick them into thinking your dick is on fleek and they'll come back."  
Immortan Jew took the bottle of Viagra from Cancer Kid and stared at him in admiration, "Wow you're so cool and smart, Cancer Kid! I'm gonna put everyone who ever hated you to death because you're just that cool!"  
"Lol I know I'm fuckin gr8." Cancer Kid answered.  
Immortan Jew unscrewed the bottle of Viagra and dumped all the pills into his mouth. He could feel his dick slowly becoming more on fleek and Cancer Kid could see it too. It was mesmerizing and super hot.  
"Wow your dick hella on fleek now nigga!" Cancer Kid cried.  
"Omg it totally is this shit is great!" Immortan Jew stood up and put his hands on his hips heroically, "I'm confident in my dick game now! Let's go get my sex slaves back!"

The guitar player guy in the red pajamas was instructed to play only Are You Ready for the Summer in honour of Cancer Kid as the war party got ready. Warboys who's dicks were also very on fleek drank V8s and got into their cars. Those who didn't drink V8s should of had a V8 though. V8 is fucking good ok I fucking love vegetable drinks VEGETABLE DRINKS ARE THE FUCKING TITS OK. (My mom said if I was gonna write dumb fanfictions I should put good morals in them so the moral is drink V8)  
Cancer Kid got into the passenger seat of Immortan Jew's car and they drove off with the war party as Cancer Kid's favourite song was being played by the Guitar Pajama Kid.

Meanwhile, Max Mad, Fast and Furious 5, Nuxles the Edgehog and like the three sex slaves fuck it don't remember how many there were, were all driving the war rig while rocking out to some sick beats by Skrillex because only autistic people listen to dubstep I love dubstep btw.  
Mad Max was at a full capacity of 10000000000% mad right now because the music was playing too loud. He smashed his autistic fists against the steering wheel, then turned down the music. The other kids began screaming at how much fun Max was draining out of the war rig with his madness.  
"Omfg u cn't fukin turn down skrooliz." Furiosa told Max as she turned the music back up.  
"Wtf u speccy coont!" Mad Max shouted at her, "Its 2 lud u fkin idiot!"  
"Stfu im tryna make sanac oc" Nucks said from the back as he drew retarded Sonic porn to put on his Devian Tart account.  
"Lol ya stfu!" Capable the ginger sex slave screamed at Mad Max and Furiosa.  
"Omg u guise r so dum1" Furiosa said as she turned the dubstep up on the loudest level. Mad Max screamed and began to cry because his mad percentage was overloading and in an autistic fit he veered the war rig sharply to the left and it rolled onto its side.  
The retards coughed as they crawled out of the wreckage. The faint sound of Are You Ready for the Summer made its way into their ears and they raised their heads from the sand to see Immortal Jew's war party heading their way.  
"Wtf no" Uncapable said as her expression turned to sheer disappointment.  
"Wait tho thts cencer kuds sogn" Furiosa said as she lifted herself up from the ground. Fuck I really want smiley potatoes now. Like you know those smiley potatoes? The ones that taste like shit and are salty as fuck? Like they're like mashed potatoes and they're formed into heads with smiley faces on them. Smiley potatoes. I really fucking want some.  
Anyway, Furiosa pointed out that it was Cancer Kid and the autists were confused as to why their new friend was siding with the Jews.  
The war rig couldn't get back up so they had to sit there and wait.

Meanwhile, Cancer Kid was sitting in Immortan Jew's car with his feet up on the dashboard and a blunt hanging from his mouth. He pulled the blunt from his mouth to release a cloud of weed smoke. The sound of Are You Ready for the Summer seemed to have a super good effect on the war party. They were, in fact, ready for the summer.  
Cancer Kid looked out the windshield and spotted the war rig with the autistic kids, "Lol there they are." He told Immortan Jew.  
"Omg I hope they think my dick's on fleek."  
Cancer Kid looked over at Immortan Jew, "Lol with a dick like that they gotta think it's fleek."  
The war party stopped and Immortan Jew got out of his car along with Cancer Kid.  
"Wtf r u doin cencur squid?!" Nux shouted at them, "ill 1v1 u splatoon coont ill rekt u!"  
"Fuckin try me nerd I'm MLG at Splatoon!" Cancer Kid shouted back at Nucklsefdasffeas.  
Immortan Jew got out of the car and raised his arms, "It's okay! My dick is on fleek now!"  
The sex slaves who were scowling and looking away suddenly turned their heads at Immortan Jew's words. They stared at him in astonishment, his dick was, in fact, on fleek.  
"Wow! Wtf happned it wuz so ew bfore" Capable asked.  
"Cancer Kid helped me get my dick on fleek!" Immortan Jew explained, "All hail Cancer Kid he's like the coolest guy ever!"  
Then all the warboys started chanting the lyrics to Are You Ready for the Summer.  
"Wtf!?" Nux shouted at Immortan Jew, "No my dick is more on fleek nigga I didnt steal ur btches dey came 2 me cuz im like hella more on fleek than u speccy coont!"  
"Lol stfu u mediocre cunt." Immortan Jew said back to Nux.  
You could hear Nux's heart shatter as he was called mediocre. He then crawled into a hole and died with his sonic ocs.  
Mad Max and Furiosa were surprised to see all of Immortan Jew's sex slaves returning to him cuz of all the viagra he took. Really, all bitches came running to him expect for Furiosa because she's a lesbian.

Later that night, Cancer Kid was chilling in his bedroom feeling accomplished with himself. He managed to finally bring peace to this land solely with his wits and charming good fleek, and of course, the power of Viagra. But soon, the Viagra will wear out and the sex slaves would probably escape again.  
"Fuckin Immortal Jew won't ever be on fleek." Cancer Kid said as he heard the sex slaves screaming about how it was just Viagra. Then he ate smiley potatoes as he shitposted on 4chan.


	6. Lightning McQueen Saves the Day

( AN: Someone actually favorited this shit so might as well pull another one out of my ass, amirite? ) 

Nux was hanging out in Citadel with Capable. They have been dating for like 3 months now and were planning on getting married. Immortan Joe watched from a distance and jealousy bubbled up inside of him, "Why does Nux get more pussy than I do?" He turned to his son, Ricktus, "Like, I'm still hot as fuck though, right?"  
"Lol ya dad." Ricktus answered, "If I were Capable I'd fuck you."  
"That's gay don't talk to me like that." Immortan Joe told Ricktus.

Ricktus gave Immortan Joe an ashamed expression, "oops sorry dade." He mumbled as he looked down at his feet and rubbed the back of his neck in embarassment.  
Immortan Joe looked over to the nearest warboy and said, "my son is gay as fuck."  
The warboy nodded in agreement, "yeah he's pretty gay."  
"WTF !" Ricktus cried out then stormed out of the room in anger. "I'm not even gay no wonder you get no pussy you're an asshole!"  
Immortan Jew knew this was true. He was a real asshole, but he didn't care. Asshole or not, Nux was still a total nerd and any girl in her right mind would pick Immortan Joe over Nux because Immortan Joe is more masculine, and rich, and famous, and cooler.

But there was someone who was more masculine, and rich, and famous, and cooler than even Immortan Joe himself, and at that moment he was pulling into Citadel...

A mash-up of Are You Ready for the Summer and Straight Outta Compton blasted from Cancer Kid's cadillac's open windows. He bobbed his head and tapped at the side of his cadillac as he drove into Citadel, his shiny chrome rims spinning the opposite way of the tires. Sick ray bans sat over his eyes and a snapback with the words "top lel" was set over his head. The Wretched all moved out of his way as he drove in, bowing to him and chanting out how much they loved him. Everyone loved Cancer Kid. He was the coolest kid on the block.  
The cadillac slowed to a stop, the rims still spilling, and Cancer Kid turned down his music. Body guards quickly set up a red carpet and velvet rope railings around Cancer Kid and his path inside of Citadel to keep the Wretched from grabbing hold of him. Teenage girls screamed from the crowd, asking Cancer Kid to have their babies. Cancer Kid shot them a charming smile and pointed towards them and they fainted, barely able to comprehend being noticed by someone so cool and famous like Cancer Kid.  
Cancer Kid let his manservant, Bertram, close his car door for him. He had no respect for Bertram, but Bertram didn't care because Cancer Kid was just so cool and he was over privileged to be working for him.  
"Cancer Kid!" Shouted a paparazzi woman dressed in a red dress as she ran up to him, her newly styled blonde hair bounced over her back and a microphone was in her hand. A camera crew followed behind her and Cancer Kid, of course being so cool, smiled for the cameras. The woman stopped and took in a deep breath before beginning to interview Cancer Kid, "How did you become so cool and famous?" She asked, bringing the microphone closer to Cancer Kid's mouth.  
"I was born this cool, baby." Cancer Kid answered. The crowd cheered at his response and the woman smiled with joy at the fact that she, out of all the reporters, SHE was the one who got to stand beside Cancer Kid and ask questions.  
"What do you plan on doing now that you're back at The Citadel?" The reported asked.  
Cancer Kid grabbed the microphone from her and spoke into it, "I'm gonna grab myself a juice pouch and then I'm gonna fuck some bitches."  
The crowd cheered at his response again and a few girls from the crowd began jumping up and down chanting, "fuck me! I can be your bitch!"  
Two of Cancer Kid's body guards stepped up to the reporter, "That's enough. He can't answer anymore questions." They said and shoved the reporter away from Cancer Kid.  
"Wait!" She cried, "Just one more question! What's your advice to all the kids out there who want to make it big like you, Cancer Kid?" She shouted, struggling from the bodyguards' grasps. Cancer Kid gave her his usual charming smile, picked up the microphone from the ground, and stared straight at the cameras. His perfect white teeth and perfectly symmetrical face were enough to make even the angriest, piece of shit dick munch not be such an asshole.  
"My advice is to always be a true nigga. True niggas are white, they don't remember their names, and they drive cadillacs with the spinny rims."  
The crowd once again cheered as Cancer Kid dropped the mic and walked into Citadel. The reporter's eyes teared up with tears of joy. Now that she actually got Cancer Kid to answer her questions, she'd be the best reporter in the world! Now she can finally pay for her daughter's cancer treatment and stop living off welfare and quit her part time job as a stripper! Cancer Kid really did change lives for the better. He brought a certain glimmer of hope and kindness to the world. No one could hate Cancer Kid.

Immortan Joe knew Cancer Kid could help him get Capable back from Nux. He ran down to meet Cancer Kid at the doors as Cancer Kid walked in.  
"Eyyy!" Cancer Kid exclaimed as he saw Immortan Joe. He reached out his hand to do their usual secret handshake, "Wazzup, my nigga?"  
"Eyy wazzup, best warboy in the world who's super cool and hot and everyone likes you?" Immortan Joe replied as they did their secret handshake that only they knew of.  
"Cancer Kid, I need your help once again." Immortan Jew said.

"Oi vey!" Cancer Kid exclaimed, "I always help someone in need! Because I'm a good person!"  
"Nux has better dick game than me!" Immortan Joe cried out in sorrow, "Capable is on his dick and not mine, and I don't know why!"  
Cancer Kid put his hand on his chin in thought. What could be the problem? Immortan Joe was hot and rich and famous, "I know who can solve this problem." Said Cancer Kid, "My good friend Laurence. He's really cool and he still lives with his mom."  
"How old is he?" Asked Immortan Joe.  
"Forty two."  
Immortan Joe gave Cancer Kid a strange look, "Well what does he do for a living?"  
"He reviews toys and he's diabetic and he's dying."  
Immortan Joe thought this guy was the coolest guy ever and he was certain that he'd help get Capable off Nux's dick and back onto his.  
"Come hop in my cadillac and we'll hit up my nigga Laurence." Said Cancer Kid.

And so they went to Laurence's house. Cancer Kid and Immortan Joe stepped up to the door and Cancer Kid knocked on it.  
"COME FUCKING OPEN THE DOOR LAURENCE BECAUSE I HAVE CANCER AND I'M DYING!" Screamed Laurence's mom.  
"OMG MOM SHUT THE FUCK UP I'M TRYING TO REVIEW ACTION FIGURES!" Laurence called back.  
Cancer Kid then just opened the door and walked in with Immortan Joe. They looked over at Laurence's mom, sitting in a wheel chair dying. She looked back at them, then turned her crumbling old head to her son's room, "YOUR SHITTY FRIENDS ARE HERE, LAURENCE!"  
"OMG MOM!" Laurence called back and the sounds of action figures being angrily thrown against the wall sounded form his room until he burst through the door. Immortan Joe stared at Laurence in awe, his mesmerizing neckbeard and greasy black hair made Immortan Joe extremely jealous. His Batman shirt was covered in chip stains and it smelled like piss and farts and his stomach hanged out from his sweatpants which also smelled like piss and farts.  
"Omg guys what do you want I just fucking BROKE MY ACTION FIGURES BECAUSE OF YOU IDIOTS!" Laurence shouted at Cancer Kid and Immortan Joe.  
"We need dating advice." Cancer Kid pointed out.  
Laurence snorted and pushed his glasses up, giving them a huge grin, "Well you came to the right guy!" He said, "I have three girlfriends on Habbo Hotel and eighteen on Roblox."  
"How old are they?" Cancer Kid asked.  
"The oldest is seven!" Laurence exclaimed, his nasally voice making him snort again.  
Cancer Kid cringed at Luarence, but Immortan Joe was astonished!  
"Wow! You have so many girlfriends!" Immortan Joe exclaimed.  
They followed Laurence into his room where he was just reviewing a TMNT action figure.  
Laurence's room was covered with posters of naked anime girls and tentacles. A high tech gaming computer sat on his desk and his gaming chair was covered in stains.  
Laurence sat on his gaming chair and turned to them, his fingers intertwined and set on his chin, "So... what do you wanna know?" He asked, trying to replicate Batman's voice.  
Cancer Kid crossed his arms and leaned cooly against the wall as Immortan Joe just sat down on the bed which was covered in hard socks and manga.  
"Joe wants a red head girl who kind of looks like Ariel from The Little Mermaid but she's on this other guy's dick." Cancer Kid explained.  
Laurence's face went grim and he looked down for a moment, "Hmm...that's a real challenge. I suggest you learn chakra and defeat him! Then the girl will have no other option but to be with you."  
Cancer Kid looked over at Immortan Joe for his reaction to Laurence's answer.  
"I'm too fucking old to learn this stupid Naruto shit." Immortan Joe answered.  
"Then serenade her with the sweet sound of anime themes!" Laurence suggested. He stared up at the ceiling with awe as anime tunes replayed in his head. He began humming to them.  
Immortan Joe caught on, "Yeah, I'll serenade her! Not with anime because she doesn't like anime, but I'll serenade her!"  
Laurence glared at Immortan Joe, "She doesn't like anime?! What a baka!"  
"Don't talk shit about my girl Capable!" Immortan Joe shouted as he stood up and got into Laurence's face.  
Cancer Kid pushed Immortan Joe away from Laurence before Laurence could go Super Sayan and they thanked him for his time, then walked out.

"See? Told you he was a master at getting girls." Cancer Kid said.  
Immortan Joe nodded in agreement, "He's pretty good." He stopped and put his fists up to his chest with confidence, "I'm sure I can get Capable, now! I'll just sing her a song and she'll love me instead of fuckboy Nux!"  
Cancer Kid smiled back at Immortan Joe and patted him on the back, "Good job! I believe in you, Joe!"  
And so they went to serenade Capable.

Capable let her head lean against Nux's chest as they sat on the top of the cliff and watched the sun set.  
"I love you so much, Nux. You're such a nice guy." Capable said as she looked up at Nux.  
Nux looked down at her and smiled. Bringing one hand up, he pushed her read hair out of her face, "I love you, too, Capable."  
Then, Immortan Joe and Cancer Kid came riding up to them with an entire war party.  
"Capable!" Immortan Joe cried out as he stood on top of his car with a microphone up to his face. Capable and Nux turned and looked at them in disgust and confusion.  
"Wtf Joe I was about to get laid." Said Nux.  
Cancer Kid stood beside Immortan Joe and watched as he began his song. A chorus of warboys sang along in the back and the Doof Warrior played the instrumental for it.  
"Capable take me somewhere we can be alone,  
I'll be waiting, all that's left to do is run,  
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess,  
It's a love story, baby, just say "yes"!"

Nux looked at Capable as she gave Immortan Joe a look of disgust, "That's fucking gay get outta here me and Nux are getting married anyway."  
"WTF !" Immortan Joe screamed as he threw the microphone down and got back into his car with RAGE!  
Cancer Kid looked over at Nux and Capable and shook his head, "He's just a little retarded boy, stop bullying him."  
"I don't what I want, I'm a bad bitch." Capable replied.  
Cancer Kid got into Immortan Joe's car and they drove away as Immortan Joe cried and cut himself while listening to Crawling by Linkin Park.  
"I can't believe they're getting married!" Immortan Joe cried, "This is the worst day of my life I should just kill myself!"  
Cancer Kid patted Immortan Joe on the back to comfort him, "It's okay, you'll always have Rictus Erectus. You know he's erect for you."  
"No that's fucking gay as shit." Said Immortan Joe, "Besides, I have a new lover. I just realized that I love Nux instead of Capable! How could I have been so blind? My true and only love was right in front of me this whole time—Nux!"  
"What're you gonna do now, Joe?" Asked Cancer Kid.  
Immortan Joe looked up with tears in his eyes. He slammed his fists against the steering wheel and said, "I'm gonna crash their wedding and get Nux to love me!"

It was the day of the wedding. Citadel was decorated in white streamers and red roses. Warboys were wheeling in the wedding cake into the cathedral, figures of Nux and Capable stood at the top.  
Cancer Kid stood as Nux's best man, watching as the cathedral went silent and the Doof Warrior came in to say the ceremonial things.  
Cancer Kid stood watch as Nux and Capable held hands.  
"If anyone has any objections, speak now or forever hold your peace." Said the Doof Warrior.  
Suddenly, the doors to the cathedral burst open and there was Immortan Joe. He pointed to Capable and Nux and shouted, "I object to this marriage!"  
The crowd gasped and Cancer Kid was like "wtf dude just let it happen."  
"Oh my god Joe no one likes you! Laurence has a better chance in sliding into my wet pussy tonight than you ever will, Joe!" Capable shouted at Immortan Joe.  
"Shut up dumb cunt, I'm here for Nux." Immortan Joe shouted back at her.  
The crowd gasped again and everyone turned their heads to Nux who was cringing super hard.  
"Nux!" Immortan Joe set one knee down and began confessing his love, "I see now that it was actually you all this time! I was never after getting my wives back, I was after getting you back! I love you so much, Nux! You're my true soul mate!"  
Cancer Kid was kind of offended that Immortan Joe wasn't confessing his love to him. I mean, Nux was a fuckboy.  
"I'm sorry I called you mediocre! You're like the coolest, non-mediocre guy there!"  
"WTF !" Cancer Kid shouted, "I'm the coolest!"  
"Yeah you are but Nux is second coolest." Immortan Joe answered.  
Cancer Kid smiled in glee and was pleased with himself.  
"That's fucking gay, dude." Nux said as he kept on cringing.  
Rictus from the back shouted, "Yeah! Who's gay now, daddy?"  
"Fuck off Rictus you're like the worst kid I've ever had just kill yourself!" Immortan Joe shouted back at Rictus and Rictus shut up and stared down at the ground in shame.  
Immortan Joe turned back to Nux and dug into his pocket. He pulled out a ring, shiny and chrome, and presented it to Nux, "Will you marry-" His words were caught off by hardcore Skrillex blasting from outside and the war rig burst through the doors. Dead warboy corpses hanged off the front of it from when it crashed through Citadel. Mad Max, 1000000% mad, and Furiosa came out.  
"Nux! Get away from my man!" Max shouted as he pointed towards them.  
"Wtf! He's coming onto me, dude!" Nux shouted back at Max.  
"Get your goofy goober ass outta here, Max!" Immortan Joe screamed at Mad Max, "I'm trying to purpose!"  
Cancer Kid decided that it was just a huge clusterfuck at this point and so he decided to skedaddle back to Compton. He slipped away and drove off in his pimpin' cadillac.  
Mad Max, who was about 900000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000% mad pulled out his gun and aimed it at Nux, "YOU CAN'T HAVE MY MAN!" He screamed.  
Nux ducked as a bullet whizzed by his head, "Wtf dude I don't want your man! I'm not gay!"  
"Omg Joe gtfo let me and Nux have a wedding" Capable shouted.  
"No not until Nux loves me!" Immortan Joe screamed.  
Mad Max screamed again and shot some more times. The bullets bounced off the walls, killing everyone but Nux.  
Nux looked around the cathedral at all the bleeding corpses. He was all alone now with no one to quench his sexual appetite.  
Nux shrugged, "Oh well, might as well masturbate now, amirite?" He asked himself, then stripped off his pants and began jerking it super hard.

So in the end, everyone was dead, Nux was jerking it, Laurence reviewed action figures live on Twitch, and Cancer Kid was chilling out in Compton with his homeboys Ice Cube, Eazy E and MC Ren. Moral of the story is, you'll always be a lonely fuck without a girlfriend unless you're Cancer Kid. Then everyone loves you.

We were both young when I first saw you.  
I close my eyes and the flashback starts:  
I'm standing there on a balcony in the desert air.

See the lights, see the warparty, the wretched.  
See you make your way through the crowd  
And say, "Hello, "  
Little did I know...

That you were Nux, you were throwing pebbles,  
And Mad Max said, "Stay away from Immortan Joe"  
And I was crying on the staircase  
Begging you, "Please don't go"  
And I said...

Nux, take me somewhere we can be alone.  
I'll be waiting; all that's left to do is run.  
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess,  
It's a love story, baby, just say, "Yes".

So I sneak out to the garden to see you.  
We keep quiet 'cause we're dead if they knew  
So close your eyes... escape Citadel for a little while.  
Oh, oh.

'Cause you were Nux - I was a scarlet letter,  
And Mad Max said, "Stay away from Immortan Joe"  
But you were everything to me,  
I was begging you, "Please don't go"  
And I said...

Nux, take me somewhere we can be alone.  
I'll be waiting; all that's left to do is run.  
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess.  
It's a love story, baby, just say, "Yes".

Nux, save me, they're trying to tell me how to feel.  
This love is difficult but it's real.  
Don't be afraid, we'll make it out of this mess.  
It's a love story, baby, just say, "Yes".

Oh, oh.

I got tired of waiting  
Wondering if you were ever coming around.  
My faith in you was fading  
When I met you on the outskirts of Citadel.  
And I said...

Nux, save me, I've been feeling so alone.  
I keep waiting for you but you never come.  
Is this in my head? I don't know what to think.  
He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring and said...

Marry me, Immortan Joe, you'll never have to be alone.  
I love you, and that's all I really know.  
I talked to Mad Max - go pick out a white dress  
It's a love story, baby, just say, "Yes".

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

'Cause we were both young when I first saw you 


End file.
